Put Out Into The Deep

Put Out Into The Deep

“When he had finished speaking he said to Simon, 'Put out into deep water and pay out your nets for a catch'.” (Luke 5:4)

         When I read these words a few weeks ago, they flashed on the page as if they were holding a vast wealth of untapped Truth.  I reflected on them but no particular insight came forth.  The context is a familiar story.  Peter, a professional fisherman, had worked hard all night long and caught nothing, then, just as he finishes cleaning his net, Jesus comes along and tells him to put out into the deep.  The day is now hot, Peter is exhausted, and it is an illogical thing to do, but he concedes to the Master’s advice, only to snag a catch of fish that threatens to tear his net.  He calls out to James and John for help, and the two of their boats are filled to the point of sinking, causing Peter to fall to his knees and cry out, 'Leave me, Lord; I am a sinful man'.  Today, as I ponder the events of hurricane Irma that has ravaged our state, those flashing words have begun to take on new life.  

Two days before the storm, as it was taking aim, I threw a shovel into the pickup and went off to the county’s  emergency sandbag site.  It was a much harder effort than I anticipated.  I had to hold the bag with one hand and dump in the shovel of dirt with the other. I had to park about a half block from the sand pile and the rickety wheelbarrow could only handle two of the fifty pound bags, and then its wheel wobbled and squeaked the whole way, all up hill, as I pushed it through the many ruts.  

I was exhausted as I returned the empty wheelbarrow on the last trip.  Then I saw the elderly lady trying to fill a sandbag with a toy shovel.   It was a ridiculous sight.  How could she possibly think she could accomplish what humbled me with far greater strength?  That is when I realized I was looking at a woman of Great Faith.  She knew her God loved her and would provide for her.  She knew she only had to put out into the deep water and God would do the rest.  And that is when I knew I was sent to do the rest.

She held the bags open and I filled them with dirt, hauled them up to her car and loaded them into her trunk.   Half way up to her car, with two trips to go, I was feeling dizzy & stopped.  I prayed a short prayer for the Lord to give me strength.  With my head down and shoulders forward, I struggled to get the wheelbarrow started again, when two large arms attached to a young marine snatched up both sandbags –he was the Strength God sent my way, and he didn’t even use the wheelbarrow for the last two sandbags!  Later that day I returned with my daughter and our Lord sent two more young marines to help us finish.  God waits to fill our nets.

The day before the storm, my wife Katy put out to the deep.  Just on the other side of our property line is a giant dying oak tree.  It had a limb, about two feet at its base, which hung seventy-five feet out over to our shop.  She prayed to God that he would not allow it to fall on the roof.  The next morning we went out to survey the damage.  Katy fell to her knees and cried a prayer of thanksgiving.  The huge limb was twisted off, cast around its trunk, and off of our property.  Again, God was just waiting to fill our net.

We had no electricity for four days.  With a refrigerator and a garage freezer full of food, we were blessed to have the generator and fuel to keep them running, and run our water pump as well.  The generator is not big enough to run everything at once, so I had to turn fuses on and off according to need.  On the second day I made a serious mistake and accidentally turned on the main fuse which caused our little generator to be connected to all the houses and downed lines connected to our electric grid.  When I returned a few hours later to check on it, I saw it was no longer producing electricity, and realized what I had done.

Three times I pushed the overload reset buttons and checked with my meter, but it remained dead.  I turned the broken generator off and in the silence tried to come up with a plan to replenish our water, and to save some of the food.  I was dejected and upset at my careless error.  The prospect of its consequences drove me to an irrational act.  Without thinking, I laid my right hand on the dead generator and prayed, “Lord, I am calling on your Mercy.  I do not deserve to ask you this, but I know you can fix whatever is broken in this generator.  In your Name, Jesus Christ, I pray you will fix it.”

I felt silly praying that prayer, but desperation trumped my pride.  Without giving myself time to wonder about the prayer, I restarted the motor and the generator came back to life as if nothing ever happened.  It was my turn to fall to my knees in tears and thank God for his miraculous intervention. 

Who can fathom the mind of God or understand his motives?  It is futile to wonder why God took pity on me, a foolish sinner, while somewhere a mother may be burying a child.  What happens in the world of Faith is mystery.  Worthiness, logic, fairness, nor magnitude determines God’s response to our prayer. It is not for us to know how or why prayer works.  It is only for us to come before our Creator with Faith in his Love for us.  It is for us to put out into deep water …to throw ourselves into the Ocean of His Mercy.  This I know, he cannot fill our nets unless we do.

Holy Spirit, do not allow me to pass by the chance for my Lord to show his Love.  Give me a heart quick to pray.  Fill it with Faith in your Love and Mercy.  Grant me the love and courage to pray for others who are in need of only what you can offer.  Thank you Lord for loving me, for providing for me, for being Faithful when I am found wanting.

Parable Of The Sower

Parable Of The Sower

'You, therefore, are to hear the parable of the sower.

13:19 When anyone hears the word of the kingdom without understanding, the evil one comes and carries off what was sown in his heart: this is the man who received the seed on the edge of the path.

13:20 The one who received it on patches of rock is the man who hears the word and welcomes it at once with joy.

13:21 But he has no root in him, he does not last; let some trial come, or some persecution on account of the word, and he falls away at once.

13:22 The one who received the seed in thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this world and the lure of riches choke the word and so he produces nothing.

13:23 And the one who received the seed in rich soil is the man who hears the word and understands it; he is the one who yields a harvest and produces now a hundredfold, now sixty, now thirty.' (Matthew 13:18-23)

         For me, this parable has been a jigsaw puzzle with pieces missing -I couldn’t see the complete picture.  I have had a quirk in my thinking when it came to absorbing what Jesus was saying: The soil that the seed fell on had no choice in its ability to give life to the seed.  This perceived sense of determinism always distracted me from the fullness of the message.

         As I reflected on these familiar words in my prayer time this morning, a new way of receiving them emerged –the Holy Spirit never gives up on me.  I found a key to understanding it in Jesus’ initial explanation, in verse 19, in the words “was sown in his heart”.  The Seed is sown in our heart, and it is what happens in our heart, which allows the Seed to accomplish its purpose, or prevents it from blooming into New Life.

         If there is determinism involved, it is that our Loving Father created us to know and love him for all eternity; that he is Eternally Determined to Hope -that we will choose to receive and return his Love; that we will use our existential freedom to find our True Destiny in him, and not use it to create our own destiny apart from him.  It is with this Divine Courage that God loves us, like parents sending their child off to college.

         But what is this Seed that is planted in our heart?  Again, verse 19 tells us that the Seed is what we have heard, and what we have heard is the Word of God –it is Truth, with a capital tee, that is inserted into our spirit as Pure Gift, as Grace; and then, our response to that Gift determines how it percolates into our mind and becomes expressed in the character we manifest.

As the condition of the soil allows the seed to germinate, so too the condition of our heart will determine the fruit we bear.  If God’s Word is received with faithful obedience, then our Fiat will put flesh on that Word and it will become Incarnate in our life, and to those whom we touch.  Our heart condition will determine our eternal Life or Death.  Jesus relates the conditions of our heart to various conditions of soil: three of which leads to Death and one which leads to Life.

The first fatal heart condition is Not Understanding the Word.  Jesus is not referring to an intellectual or theological understanding of the Word as much as knowing the Word.  If we do not know the Word, who is Jesus, then we do not know Jesus.  When we do not listen to the Word we hear preached; when we do not ponder his Word that leaps off the page in prayer; we remain ignorant to the Pearl of Great Price, leaving it unguarded, allowing Satan to steal it away along with our Soul –not understanding what we have lost, or that we were even in a battle.   

         The second fatal heart condition is Spiritual Weakness.  It is lacking the roots of Church authority, of Christian community.  It is falling prey to the illusion of individualism – having rejected the suffering of laying down roots, we accept with joy God’s Gifts, but when trial inevitably presents itself, we have nothing to cling to but our delusions of independence.  Satan crushes our house of cards, despair and hopelessness rushes into the void.

         The third fatal heart condition is Greed, the lure of riches.  It is the idolatry of self, where the desire to please God is subordinate to pleasing our self.   It is an insidious condition, even innocent at first -often beginning with the pursuit of things good.  But like cancer, it grows imperceptibly, slowly, extending its desirous tentacles -until pleasing self chokes off the Saving Blood of Christ.  The thought of repentance, at this point, is unthinkable.

         The one heart condition that leads to Eternal Life is the heart that hears the Word and Understands it.  It understands because this heart has made itself available to the Word, it has submitted itself to the Word and not the Word to itself.  This heart understands because it has become intimate with the Word.  It knows the Word as Adam knew Eve and bore a child.  It knows the Word as a bridegroom knows the bride and they bear Sacred Fruit.  This heart abandons itself into the Love of God, fearless, certain of The Other’s intention for Good –Joyful, for what tomorrow will bring, and willing to Endure whatever will bring tomorrow.

         Holy Spirit, enlighten the eyes of my heart that I may recognize the sin in my life.  Jesus, emblazon your Sacred Heart before me, may I have eyes only for you.  Abba, Father, behold your child.  Your Love stands me here, before you now.  You called me into being; you redeemed me by the Blood of your Son; you have breathed your Word into my heart and sealed me in your Spirit.  Receive me, my Lord.

God of All Consolation

God of All Consolation

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, a gentle Father and the God of all consolation, who comforts us in all our sorrows, so that we can offer others, in their sorrows, the consolation that we have received from God ourselves.  Indeed, as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so, through Christ, does our consolation overflow.” (2Corinthians 1:3-5)

              This faith proclamation of St. Paul sings the praises of our Triune God: of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior; of God our Father, who is Supremely Gentle in his plans for us; and of the Holy Spirit, our God of All Consolation, The Comforter, the Companion of Our Soul -made present to us in all our sorrows.

 It can be argued that the most profound and deepest intimacy known is not found in love, but in shared suffering.  So it is that our Suffering Christ loves us from the Cross.

In the heart wrenching moment when Jesus was leaving this Earth, as his disciples were feeling lost in sorrow, he promised that he would ask the Father to send us the Paraklete: the One-Called-Alongside; the Comforter; the Strengthener; the Helper; the Encourager.  This Promised One, this Gift of Peace, this Spirit of Jesus and his Gentle Father, is given that we will never be orphaned in our need; that in all our sorrows will he be made known.  

         St. Paul, in this letter to the Corinthians, was not concerned with delivering them from suffering; only in leading them into the Transcendent Truth –that we are not alone in our suffering, rather, the tender, gentle Love of God overflows from our suffering, and he meets us there in the Intimacy of His Cross.

         The Good News Revealed is that not only are we not helpless victims of suffering, but because of knowing the Saving Love of God in our deepest pain, we become Conquerors of Death, Overcomers in adversity -Witnesses of his Saving Grace- able to  shine his Light into the hearts of others darkened by suffering.  The Spirit’s Gift of Faith is not just for our personal consolation.  After raising us up, he then sends us forth to share his Hope.

         For those of us who have seen God’s miraculous healings, we are tempted to expect that we, or our loved ones, be spared from all suffering.  Yet, Paul was not ashamed of his sufferings or that of his beloved Corinthians.  He knew that, unless the muscles of an athlete were torn by hard training, they could not grow stronger.  He knew that without trial, character cannot take root.  And he knew The Secret, that God is intimately involved in our pain, even more than in our joy -because that is where we need him the most, because our God is a Gentle Father.

         St. Paul lived life to the full.  He expected a lot from God.  He was fearless –undaunted by the impossible.  His uncompromised faith left a legacy to the Church that is still unfolding two millennia later.  Yet, Paul was familiar with trial, failure, rejection, persecution and suffering.  Three times he asked God to deliver him from a thorn in his flesh and God refused him, telling him he was strongest when he was weak. (2Cor 12/8)

         St. Paul was larger than life because he lived as if he were nothing without God.  He accomplished the impossible because he knew all things were possible with Christ.  He was unfazed by failure because he knew all things work out for the good for those who love God.  He believed that God was Faithful, that his promises were true.  Paul had Faith in God’s Love.

         Faith is everything.  It defines our eternity.  It is our vocation.  It is the key to eternal life.  It is the only thing required of us.  It gives order to our chaos.  It is what makes us pleasing to God.  It is Faith that allows us to love.  It is Faith that opens us to Truth.  And, it is for Faith that that we suffer -because without suffering, there can be no Faith.

         Suffering cracks open our ego -exposing the truth within ourselves: that ultimately we are powerless; that our self sufficiency is an illusion.  It is suffering that opens our eyes to our need for God, to our dependence on him for our breath.  True Faith is born out of desperation.  For me, I did not trust in God’s Provisional Love until I suffered enough to exhaust all other options for Hope.  Even now, I am most prone to Sin when things are going my way -when I am lured into Forgetfulness and let go the Hand of God who is saving me.

          Contrary to the Unbeliever’s cry, suffering is congruent with our Gentle Father’s heart.  In his Mercy, he shepherds our suffering, gently allowing us to be brought to our knees –to a posture where we in turn allow ourselves to be found by him.  It is the Desperate Heart which is open to Grace.  It is the Broken Heart that searches for God.  It is the Redeemed Heart which truly exults in the God of All Consolation, and, it is this Transformed Heart which offers authentic witness to his Love.

Remain In My Love

Remain In My Love (John 15:9-11)

         From these few Sacred Words, we receive from Jesus all that is sufficient to obtain happiness in this life and in Eternity…

“As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you.” (15:9a)

           This is why Jesus came, that we may know the Love God has for us; that we might hear it with our ears, see it spoken from his lips, and witness it both in the life he lived, and in the death he chose.  Jesus gave his life for us.  The Father gave his Son for us.  This is how we are Loved.

          God, Creator of the Universe, loves us as he loves Jesus –as an Only Child.  He is not a Disinterested Entity who brought us into existence just to abandon us into chaos.  He is a Loving Father who cannot cease longing for us, to exchange his Love with us.  He created us to be eternally in love with him.  This is our God -the Word made man, the Truth revealed.

“Remain in my love.” (15:9b)

            This is not God demanding.  It is Love pleading.  God’s Love for us is unchanging, unaffected either by our virtue or our sin, it is eternal.  Our love for him is what ebbs and wanes.  The desire of God’s Heart is that we remain in his love; that we make our home in him; that we abide in him; that we choose him above all things; that every decision we make is an expression of our love for him; that our life is set apart, consecrated to knowing him as the fulfillment of our being.  These Words are a Love Proposal -patiently calling, ever wooing us to give up our petty desires in exchange for his Wonderful Plan.

“If you keep my commandments you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and remain in his love.” (John 15:10)

          Jesus is not saying, that if we do not keep his commandments we will lose his love, for he cannot not love us.  What he is saying is that being faithful to his commandments is the only Way to remain in his Love.  His commandment is that we love as he loved us.  To turn our back on Love is to turn our back on Jesus.  Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life, to love is to remain in him, to know Eternal Life.  

The essence of love is Sacrifice.  Love is making our wishes subservient to the wishes of an Other.  If we are to remain in his Love, then we must place his Will above our own, or better, make it our own.  Faithfulness and Obedience are the expression of Love.  Jesus showed the Way, he was Obedient unto death.  No less than Jesus, we too must experience death to Self, if we are to remain in his Love.  In giving Jesus our mortal lives, he gives us his Eternal Life.

I have told you this so that my own joy may be in you and your joy be complete.” (John 15:11)

              This is a Promise.  God has made it.  Let us believe it.  He knows what brings us Joy -more than we know ourselves.  He made us for Love.  As a petal unfolds in the Light, so Joy springs forth from Love.  Only in Love are we complete.  Only in Faithful Obedience will we find true reward.  Only in losing ourselves in him does our heart become transfigured –able to grasp the height and depth, the Beauty and Joy of knowing the Source of All Love.

          “My Lord and my God, I want to know you as my Father.  In vain, I have tried to earn your Love.  So often have I fallen short.  I know too well what I deserve and I have trouble giving my eyes to yours.  I believe you love me.  I believe I am forgiven.  Yet still, it seems too good to be true.   And in spite of all that you have shown me, of all that you have made so clear, when I am put to the test, your Truth seems but a shadow.  

Jesus, my smallness is awash in your Mercy.  You are Faithful when I have failed.  Never let me withdraw from your Love.  I give you permission, in advance, to work in my life any way you see fit, that I may remain in your love, that I may be obedient to your command.

          Holy Spirit, you are my reason to Hope.  Release anew today your Grace to live fully alive, undaunted in my heritage –that I am Loved as an Only Child.  By your Living Waters am I refreshed.  In weakness you bring strength, in darkness you bring forth Joy.  Because of you, because of the Father’s Love, which you pour into my heart, I shall remain  in your Love.  Amen”

Forged In Fire

Forged In Fire

“No one can come to me unless he is drawn by the Father who sent me, and I will raise him on the last day.” (John 6:44)

         Jesus tells us that His Spirit blows where it pleases, that like the wind, we cannot see it coming.  Neither do we know where he might lead us when as submit our mind to his Word in prayer.  He comes ‘in the moment’ -when we are not dressed; when we are weak; when we least expect to hear His Voice…

         I have been watching a series called Forged in Fire.  It is about metalsmiths who form magnificent swords out of common discarded steel.  They begin by selecting the combination of metals that will produce the qualities they desire; then heat them in a fire until molten and white; then it is cooled to a blood-red soft ingot, where its impurities have floated to the top forming a black crust; this then flakes off as it is hammered and drawn (stretched) into a shape resembling a sword.  

Many trips to the furnace are required before it takes on the desired form.  Only then is the blood red sword immersed in a bath of oil, where the quenching process transforms its natural state into a super hard yet flexible material.  But this is not the end.  It is hammered again for straightness, then ground away at, until a perfect geometry is achieved which has a razor sharp edge to cut while still retaining a spine for the strength to survive a life of shocking blows.  Only after many hard hours of labor does the metalsmith’s arm raise up a gleaming work of art.  

         …And so it was with these images in mind, and reflecting on the morning’s reading from John 6:46, that the Spirit blew through my life-jumbled thoughts and allowed me to perceive, to peak, to glimpse into his Purpose for suffering.  

         As the raw metal is heated, hammered and drawn into a work of art, so must we be melted, beaten down and ‘drawn by the Father’.  Like the steel, we did not ask to be brought into existence -we were chosen.  And like the steel, we cannot delight in the hammer’s blow.  But unlike the steel, we, with our gift of sentience, must choose to conform to the Divine Purpose which preceded our being, or, cling to our smallness.  Either way, we will encounter suffering; but only in the former will our suffering bring us to Eternal Life -where our Creator can say, ‘I will raise him on the last day’ …like a gleaming Work of Art. [To suffer in God's way means changing for the better and leaves no regrets, but to suffer as the world knows suffering brings death. (2Cor 7:10)]  Only Faith in the Master’s tender love, will secure a future of Hope… “We know that by turning everything to their good God co-operates with all those who love him, with all those that he has called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

         These reflections of suffering brought me back to a moment, decades past, though still present…

It was a painful time –of brokenness and loss.  I had just given my life to God, and he, was pulling me out of a deep, dark hole.  I was recovering from a life apart from God, and, from the death of my brother Stan.  I had a chemistry exam the next morning and tears were keeping me from reading the words on the textbook.  What was most tearing at my soul was the profound sadness my mother was enduring.  Stan was the second son she had lost, and now it seemed she was lost to grief.  I was angry.  I could not come to grips with the injustice.  Why must my mother suffer for being guilty of love?  

It was an overwhelming time.  I felt stuck in the hurt.  I felt unbearably alone.  I turned away from my textbook and just stared the Crucifix on my dresser.  It was in this broken moment that the Mercy of God spoke.  His Voice issued forth from the Cross.  Twice in my life have I heard the Voice of God, both, in times of brokenness.  In that darkness he said, “I suffered for you.”  

At the time, I did not understand what those Words meant, but they awakened me to a knowing that I was not suffering alone.  An Unspoken Truth was instilled into my spirit –that the suffering I bore was also being borne by The One who has walked that Hill before me.  Those Words did not carry theological meaning then, only Peace.  The hurt was still there, but the weight and anger was lifted.  Instead of feeling crushed by the suffering, I strangely felt like it was part of a larger purpose.  These were not thoughts in my natural mind, but rather an experience in my soul.  The thoughts would come much later.

God does not make us suffer.  Suffering is a condition of Life –it is part of the Privilege of being called into Existence.  All creation suffers.  Mountains are eroded into sand and steel is suffered into swords; animals suffer; innocent children suffer; and we, with our capacity to sin, have an even greater capacity to suffer.  The fundamental question of life is not, ‘Why do we suffer?’ but, ‘How can we suffer?’

Jesus, Creator of the Cosmos, who embraced the condition of his creatures, showed us how to suffer.  Even more, he bore our suffering for us.  On that Cross he took on the Suffering of Humanity –past, present and to come.  In assuming our suffering he was consumed into Death.  And through his Resurrection, he, who joined himself to our Death, now joins us to his New Life.  As we are joined to him, so too, our suffering is joined to his Cross –in a way that is as sacrificial as it is healing.

Through our Faith in the Resurrection, we now have the Grace, the Gift, to transcend our suffering –not to escape it, but to deflect its Death into Life- so much so, that our suffering is Redeemed; Re-Purposed; Transformed; and we can now in truth proclaim the Privilege of participating (as a Mystery Revealed but not grasped) in the Salvific Cross of our Savior. “The Spirit himself and our spirit bear united witness that we are children of God.  And if we are children we are heirs as well: heirs of God and coheirs with Christ, sharing his sufferings so as to share his glory.” (Rom 8:16-17)  

Jesus, God Incarnate, suffered.  So must we -but never alone or without purpose.  That we, as creature, may not understand the Creator’s Design should not surprise.  That we, in the Pure Love of a Gentle Father, are called into an Existence which demands suffering is a Fearsome Revelation -made Glorious with the Gift of Faith.  

…      ‘No one can come to me unless he is drawn by the Father who sent me, and I will raise him on the last day’ …like a gleaming work of art.

Well Of Salvation

Well Of Salvation

“…anyone who drinks the water that I shall give will never be thirsty again: the water that I shall give will turn into a spring inside him, welling up to eternal life'.” (John 4:14)

            John’s account of Jesus’ encounter with the Samaritan woman at Jacob’s well has become one of the most popular Gospel stories, in no small part, due to the endless lessons to be drawn from it.  

         After a half day of walking, Jesus sat down at Jacob’s well.  He was tired.  It was hot. Everybody was hungry and the food was gone.  He sent the disciples to go to town for food, leaving himself alone under the noon sun.  

For most of us, this would not be a good time to pray.  But for Jesus, whenever he is off alone, we find him in prayer with his Father.  And whenever he prays, something big happens.  This inopportune prayer was no different, for it set up an encounter which has become a Window-to-God for all of history.  Two millennia and billions of views later, I peeked into it this morning, as I reflected on this glimpse into the Mind of Jesus.  

The Samaritans were despised by the Jews for having mingled with pagan gods, and, this Samaritan woman was despised by her own people for adulterous relationships.  She was a spurned woman of a spurned nation.  And, based on her history of five ex-husbands, it is certain she knew loneliness.  She went to the well in the heat of the day hoping to draw water, free from the crowd of insults.  Little did she know that her encounter with Jesus would free her from all insults, that his Welcoming Presence would slack her thirst to be known and loved,  that this Well-Coming would transform her life.

When she set off in loneliness to the well, she had no idea she was approaching the Wellspring of Salvation.  When she discovered Jesus, she encountered unconditional love.  She spent her life hiding her real self to avoid rejection.  Now, she encounters a man who knows her better than she knows herself, a man from whom there is no need to hide shame –for he knows all about her yet still gazes upon her with love.  She thought he needed her for life giving water.  Now, she recognizes Jesus as the Wellspring of Life.  She came, tough-as-nails; now, her heart is melted by Love.   She came ashamed.  Now, she knows she is precious in the Eyes of God.

The Samaritan woman’s encounter with Jesus prefigures our encounter with him in prayer.  When the disciples return, they urge Jesus to eat some food, but he replies, “I have food to eat that you do not know about.”  When they left him alone, he was really hungry, but, he was not really alone -he was encountering the Love of his Father in prayer.  He was receiving the sustenance required to be obedient to the Father’s Will.  He was finding the clarity to live in Truth.

          When we commit to a daily time of prayer, we are establishing a Well-Coming with Jesus; where he pours the Love of his Holy Spirit into our heart; where we will discover our true worth –that we are prized by the Father of Creation; where we are freed from shame and dare to gaze into his Loving Eyes; where we will find the nourishment to persevere in faith; where we encounter that spring ‘welling up to eternal life’.

A GOOD DAY TO DIE

A GOOD DAY TO DIE

Then to all he said, If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up his cross every day and follow me. (Luke 9:23)

Lent begins with our Lord’s call to pick up our cross, and it culminates with Christ’s Passion.   In reflecting on verse twenty-three, it became apparent that not only does everyone have a cross, but that we have one every day.  And, somehow, every cross has to do with renouncing our Self.  

That each day contains a cross is not up to us.  Suffering is a condition of our existence –only to be understood in fullness when we are claimed into The Fullness.  However, Jesus’ invitation to pick up our cross clearly implies that we have choice -to embrace its suffering as we follow in His footsteps; or to reject it as an obstacle in Our path.  How am I to understand this call?  With these thoughts I settled into prayer.

“Dying is hard Lord,” I complained to God.  In my imagination, his response did not appeal to my plea for sympathy:  

“And water is wet!” he replied.  “What did you expect?  I learned obedience through suffering and so must you.  I was obedient unto death on The Cross in order that you may have Life in Truth.  As you are obedient to the death of your self-centered life, I will raise you up, and you will be born again, into New Life in me.  I am the only Way to the Father, and the Cross is the only way to me.  It is the Tree Of Life which demands your death.”

“Your obedience requires suffering death.  It requires that you trust only in my love for you –believing that you belong only in me; that you exist, not because you live, but, because I love you.  Obedience leads to the Cross, where weakness vanquishes pride and exposes the illusion of self sufficiency.”  

“The Cross is required of you, to crucify those fears and desires which imprison you within a false reality, where you are bound from trusting in my Love.  The Blood of my Cross has broken the Lies that now chain you.  Come, follow me.  Take up my cross in this season of Brokenness, of Littleness, of Sacrifice.  Bow your head unto Death.  Surrender your spirit, your hopes, your dreams, your fears and your sins.”

          “Believe in my love which eternally sustains you.  Let go!  Release your Self into the stream of Water and Blood flowing from my Wounded Heart -pierced by your sin.  Allow my Holy Spirit to wash over you, to carry you away -into my Father’s Bosom.  Now is the time, today is a good day to die into New Life.  By my stripes you are healed.  I have suffered for you.  I am suffering with you.  You are never alone in your need.  I am with you always.  Do not be afraid of today’s cross.  I bear it with you.  I had Simon of Cyrene, but you have me.   Come, see my footprints already cast –I know The Way.  The road is hard, but with me, the night has no Darkness, and your burden will be made Light.”

Get Behind Me, Satan!

Get Behind Me, Satan!

“And he began to teach them that the Son of Man was destined to suffer grievously, to be rejected by the elders and the chief priests and the scribes, and to be put to death, and after three days to rise again; and he said all this quite openly. Then, taking him aside, Peter started to remonstrate with him.  But, turning and seeing his disciples, he rebuked Peter and said to him, 'Get behind me, Satan!  Because the way you think is not God's way but man's.'” (Mark 8:31-3)

         Hearing this stinging rebuke by Jesus used to leave me feeling a little embarrassed for him; as if these words accidentally slipped out of his mouth in a moment of passion and could have been better framed if he had a second chance.  It seemed they were angry, cutting words –not in tune with the tender Heart of my Lord.  I felt bad for Peter; both, because his feelings were hurt; and, because he was reprimanded for reasonable and loving advice given discretely, away from the crowd.

         This all changed, one morning prayer, a few years ago, when the, till then unseen words in that passage, leapt off the page: “But, turning and seeing his disciples...”   As I tried to picture that exact moment, my imagination threw me back into time –into that dramatic scene, as if it were frozen with meaning.

Peter was crying.  His eyes were begging.  He was clasping Jesus’ left hand within his own hands -pressing it against his own heart.  His voice was desperate; his mind wheeling –he could not bear the thought of his Messiah and friend absent from his life; of Jesus leaving and taking all Hope with him.  The pain in Peter’s heart poured into the Breaking Heart of Jesus.

Jesus’ eyes too, began to fill with tears, causing him to break away from Peter’s eyes –for, if but an instant more, he too would have been weeping. Turning toward his disciples, he blinked hard -to clear his welling tears- but their faces remained blurred.  Like the blind man whom he had healed by putting spittle into his eyes, he now could only see distorted figures; lost sheep staring back, befuddled; his chosen companions whom he so cherished; and his Mother, whose heart the Sword of his Cross had now begun to pierce.

Jesus was like us in all ways but sin, he experienced our weakness… (Hebrews 4:15)  He did not want to die.  He was in love with his Creation and it needed him so.  There was so much left to do; so much more he could give; but the looming Cross was now casting its Shadow –a life so bright was now made Dark; and Peter’s plea was wrenching his gut.

If Jesus, like all humanity, possessed an Achilles heel, then surely he would have been most susceptible to spiritual attack through the Passion of his Heart -since his logic and Truth were impenetrable.  His Heart was bursting within him as he searched the faces of his bewildered flock so confused and afraid.  Their faces, to the one, were pleading, ‘You must not leave us!’  And now, in the Voice of his beloved Peter, Satan too, was entreating him to forsake the only thing that could save them –the Cross.  

Jesus’ battle with Satan during the Forty Days in the desert was but a preview of the Enemy’s guile.  Now, Satan was using the full weight of Jesus’ immense Love to weaken his resolve –a Supremely Evil attack upon Divine Vulnerability.

As Jesus’ Heart was battling his Mind, the Spirit echoed his Word yet proclaimed, ‘For it is not against human enemies that we have to struggle, but against the Sovereignties and the Powers who originate the darkness in this world, the spiritual army of evil in the heavens...’ (Eph 6:12).  Driven by Holy Anger and riled with rage against the Dark Powers waging war upon the Children of his Father, Jesus unleashes his rebuke upon the Voice seducing him from the Cross…  'Get behind me, Satan!’  

         In this pivotal moment of Salvation History, Peter’s feelings are but a speck of dust on the scale against the weight of humanity’s Eternal Life.  Jesus, though subjected to Compassion’s Scream, remained submitted to Truth –that he came as the Lamb of God whose Blood would Redeem the world.