I Will Die For You
I had been reflecting on the strength of Peter’s faith, his love for our Lord, and our Lord’s immense love for Peter, when I found myself spontaneously praying, “Lord, I will die for You.” Immediately, this question was planted in my mind: “Then why are you afraid to live for Me?”
I hadn’t intentionally formed that prayer, it just came out. Maybe it was just a cliché bouncing around in my head, or maybe it was formed by the Holy Spirit, to nudge me into a deeper reality. The end result was a sense of self exposure -of realizing I was saying the right words, but not yet living them out. So I prayed with intention, “Lord, show me how I can live for You today.” The prayer sounded good, but in the realm of my spirit, there was a sense of lacking. As if God was replaying it for me, with video, and I could see I had my fingers in my ears, and my eyes were shut tight -as one unready to embrace the path that God was marking out.
I clearly possess the power to misrepresent the real me to myself. I cannot say that I truly know myself. Only God knows the depths of my heart, my fears, my lies, my inauthentic faces. Oh, that He loves me more than I love myself, that He believes in me, that I may yet become the son He has created me to be.
I so relate to Peter, who had such great intentions, and made such grandiose promises to our Lord. Like a child who outruns his own feet and falls, Peter’s love for Jesus spurred him to make promises for which, when life’s events unfolded, he lacked the inner character to keep.
Lord, I know I have made promises to you that, left to myself, I cannot keep. I want to be like the Post-Pentecost Peter. Release in me the power of Your Holy Spirit. I give you Permission -to open the doors of my heart to Your Light. Reveal my Self-Deception. I need your Grace to walk in Truth. My hope is in your Love and Mercy.